I Love My Kids… But I Miss Who I Used to Be

The Quiet Question

There was a moment the other day—nothing dramatic—just me standing in the kitchen, holding a half-empty coffee I had reheated twice…

…and I thought:

Wait. Where did I go?

Not in a sad, spiraling way. Just… quietly.

Because I love my kids more than anything. Like, would do anything for them love.

But also?

There are days I don't recognize myself anymore.

The Part No One Talks About

No one really prepares you for that part.

They talk about the love. The connection. The "you'll never be the same again" in this beautiful, glowing way.

And yes… that's true.

But they don't tell you that sometimes "never being the same again" feels like:

- Forgetting what you even like to do - Being touched all day and still feeling alone - Snapping at your partner and then feeling guilty about it later - Sitting in your car for an extra 3 minutes just to breathe

And then feeling bad for even thinking any of that.

Because you wanted this.

You prayed for this.

You love them.

The Truth Nobody Says Out Loud

But here's the truth that no one says out loud:

You can be deeply grateful and still overwhelmed.

You can love your kids and still miss your old life.

You can be a good mom and still feel like you're losing parts of yourself.

For a while, I thought something was wrong with me.

Like maybe I just wasn't handling motherhood as well as other people.

(You know… the ones who seem calm, put together, and not constantly reheating their coffee.)

But the more I started talking to other moms—the real kind of talking, not the "we're all good!" kind—

I realized:

This is almost all of us.

We're just not saying it out loud.

The Slow Becoming

And the hard part?

There's no clear moment where you "get yourself back."

It's not like one day you wake up and think, "Oh there she is again."

It's slower than that.

Messier than that.

It looks more like:

- Laughing at something small and realizing… oh, I'm still in here - Putting on music in the car and actually enjoying it - Saying what you need instead of holding it in - Taking 10 minutes for yourself and not apologizing for it

It's not about becoming who you were before.

Because honestly… you're not her anymore.

And that's not a bad thing.

Rebuilding Yourself

It's about rebuilding yourself in a way that actually fits this version of your life.

One where you can be:

- A mom - A partner - A person - And still feel like… you

And some days?

You're going to feel completely grounded and okay.

And other days?

You're going to count down to bedtime like it's your full-time job.

Both can be true.

You're Not Doing Anything Wrong

If you're in that space right now—where you feel a little lost, a little stretched, a little not like yourself—

You're not doing anything wrong.

You're just in the middle of becoming.

And it's okay if it doesn't look graceful.

Some days it's messy. Some days it's hard. Some days you're just trying to remember who you are while also making sure everyone else is fed.

That's not failure.

That's motherhood.

That's life.

And you're doing better than you think.

With love and honesty, Lauren